Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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