maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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