Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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