Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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