We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
