look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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