My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
