he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
