his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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