I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
