I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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