I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
