I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
