good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
