I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
