And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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