He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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