I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
