If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My vagina just recognized that song.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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