I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
