Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
