oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
