How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
