Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
