Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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