Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
