Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
