You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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