I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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