I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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