I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
