4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
