where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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