Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
