How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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