dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
this beer tastes like vomit already
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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