It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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