"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
