There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
