i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
