Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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