Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
this is an emotional support booty call
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
