I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
