i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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