Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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