Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
