Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
