I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
