you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
