remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
