Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
