dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
