Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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