When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
