I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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