i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
