he wants to bone in the snuggie
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
